Welcome to Bellagio 5Star!

No sooner had they announced this blog on the UB website than I received an email from Scooter405 asking me if I'd re-post that poem again. Since I've only, to my certain knowledge, written one poker poem, and since the love sonnets to my high school girlfriend are of passing little interest to everyone reading this blog (and likely not what Scooter405 had in mind anyway) I assume that "It Depends" is the poem Scooter wanted to see. So here it is... as fitting a way as any, I suppose, to kick off another round of rants, results, photos and other random acts of blog frenzy.

Who knows? It might even become a tradition.




IT DEPENDS
by John
Vorhaus

Poker is a challenge built on tendencies and trends
and many tough decisions upon which a session bends,
so when I'm asked for my advice by strangers or by friends,
I look them squarely in the eye and answer, "It depends."

Depends on who's been running hot,
who's on tilt and who is not,
how much money's in the pot,
and other things that I forgot.

Should you raise in late position?
Will that raise the blinds' suspicion?
I can take no firm position.
I am not a card magician
blessed with psychic precognition,
so I have no ammunition
for your poker combat mission.
I am just a politician
who, waffling, contends,
"It's poker, folks; it just depends."

Depends on who's been talking trash,
Who has lots and lots of cash,
Who's been drinking sour mash
(or maybe even smoking hash).

You want to know if you should bet a straight that half extends,
or push a pair of kings when on the flop an ace descends.
But if you ask me what a man of my keen judgment recommends,
I'll look you squarely in the eye and answer, "It depends."

Depends on who's a clever git,
or with the deck's been getting hit,
or who'll play any piece of –
(Don't use that word, for it offends.
Let's just say it all depends.)

A check-raise on the turn, you want to know what that portends.
Is the raiser's raise legit or could it be he just pretends?
You wait for my reply, and how your disbelief suspends.
I'll look you squarely in the eye and answer, "It depends"

So if you want some confirmation
that your recent devastation
was just normal fluctuation,
(not some self-induced damnation)
I can feel your consternation,
but I fight against temptation
to provide you with salvation.
Though I want your admiration
I will risk disapprobation,
for I cannot give affirmation
to your certain situation
without better information,
followed by some cogitation
and some subtle calculation
not to mention computation
to the point of constipation.

And now with no more hesitation
I'll complete your education
and leave you with this explanation:
Though the argument distends
and distends and distends and distends,
in the end, it all depends.

Thus reality transcends:
In the end it all depends.